Yes, friends, I was lucky enough to see the leaked work print of X-Men Origins: Wolverine and I can safely say now that I hope I never again see any of Gavin Hood's films ever again. While I love Ryan Reynolds and Liev Schreiber, and the characters they play in the movie, the rest of the cast made me want to beat my head against the wall. I've all but tuned out Hugh Jackman at this point in my life, so he was a non-issue going in. The man playing Stryker was awful, and I've seen him other places where he has been equally worthy of the viewers' hate. Will.i.am did a pretty decent job, and I wished he was in the movie more, but then, Gavin Hood seems to have derived a science out of not giving me what I want. To that effect: DEADPOOL.
Ryan Reynolds was THE perfect choice for Deadpool, his comic timing and deadpan line delivery being among the best in the business (watch "The Nines" to find out what I'm talking about). The actual Ryan Reynolds-Deadpool was both badass and hilarious for the seven seconds he was on-screen, and then he disappears, and Reynolds is no longer a part of the movie, just like that. When Deadpool reappears later on (by the way, I don't care if I give away spoilers; if you do, tough, because you HAVE seen this movie before in other forms, MANY other forms), he is not Reynolds, he is silent and he has sword-claws. I will reiterate:
DEADPOOL HAS SWORD-CLAWS. CLAWS THAT ARE SWORDS. FUCK. THIS. SHIT. I. QUIT. FOREVER.
The man would not be able to bend his stupid arms when the claws are retracted! If you want the trademark swords to be present, GIVE THE MAN SOME FUCKING SWORDS.
I'm done here. Pray that I live through the night, because I would hate to die of oxygen deprivation to my brain because the memory of this stupid movie clogged and/or burst the blood vessels in my brain. I think I need to lie down.
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