~Review: Fallout 3~

Yes, you heard me right. This is a game review, for whoever is a gamer that follows this blog and through some monumental lapse in judgment has not played Fallout 3. Let me first say that I am always for movies, games, or books that include some sort of science fiction or post-apocalypse, so it should come as no surprise that I've been waiting for Fallout's release and have only recently have been able to get my hands on it. Gaming is a unique genre to review, really; no matter what the merits or problems with the game might be, there always have to be the wingnut minority ejaculating quips like, "Nah man, even if the gameplay doesn't match up to your retarded standards, I swear I'll f***ing kill your family if you say it's a piece of shit!" or "You're a freaking idiot man. Not only are you a total asshole idiot, but you're also wrong!"

I have to deal with people like this in my daily life whenever a big-name new release graces us with its presence, because the news of the world and what's happening with the global economy really need to take a back seat on the roster for discussion. This I am willing to accept, and I'll have to endure it until I, oh, get a house of my own and can shut myself up in it without seeing another living soul until the dreadful day when the magic cupboard fails to restock my supply of Vegemite, Cup Noodles and Bagel Bites. But that day will come in due time; in the meantime, let me dispel a rumor bandied about among conversations between people that haven't yet played Fallout 3 (shitmonkeys, as I like to call them):

V.A.T.S. does not get boring. Ever.

As a less-than-straight-up FPS, in fact being more of a moment-by-moment turn-based shooter, Fallout 3 includes an assisted-targeting mode. As such, there has been considerable worry among the gamer community over whether or not this mode will wear itself thin as one progresses, as the above-mentioned shitmonkeys do. Often. Let me reassure you, reader, that it is indeed V.A.T.S. which brings another level of immersion into the game, not to mention the fact that you get to watch your kills in SLOW-F***ING-MOTION. Let's be frank, gamers are a predictable bunch to whom the prospect of absurd gore barely fazes, nay, instills a sense of primal glee in said gamers. The spectacle of seeing an 8-foot yellow mutant explode into knobbly chunks of meat is not without a certain satisfaction, as I learned upon obtaining my first shotgun and messily blowing the mohawked head off of a Mad Max-like raider.

The gunplay is mainly decided by stats that you increase as you level up, making the standard run-and-gun aspect of the game only for the very brave, very stupid, or very high-level. Odd as it may sound, probability statistics win the day more often than not, but I could harp on about the combat until I've died of starvation. The main gameplay elements more or less work well, although hacking computers is usually more trouble than it's worth. Lockpicking is MUCH easier and intuitive than in The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, which makes the other arduous tasks the player is faced with the main focus rather than "How the hell am I supposed to get any more ammo if I can't pick this motherf***ing lock?!" The character creation mode is easy enough to get the hang of if you've ever played any other open-world game, and, blessedly, Bethesda has made it impossible to create any character too horrific (another problem that cropped up rather more than I would have liked).

Not to drone on for too long, but from what I played of Fallout 3, I thought it was spectacular, even if the learning curve is sometimes a little steep. Don't listen to the shitmonkeys.